i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
