My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i think i just lost a toe
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