So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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