the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
