I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize