so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
