i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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