Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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