Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
