Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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