I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
