I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
