he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
