We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
