I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
