Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
