i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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