I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
