he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
and she was petting her beer can
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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