Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
