I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
