Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
