It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
