Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
