i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
