After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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