So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
