she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
