Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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