remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize