just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
