Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
