He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
