Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
