you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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