Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's on the porch naked. Help.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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