Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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