Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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