I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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