I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
