Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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