his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
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It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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