3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
