omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
