I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
