I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
