she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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