Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
