It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
