So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
