I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
