what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
