it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
