I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize