So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
