Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
