Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
