the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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