My friends, they love my intelligence
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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