I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
