If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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