Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
