Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
