Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
