So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
