She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
