IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
