So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
